Somewhere I Belong
by The Twilight Necromancer
Summary: The journey in the Digital World is over for the original group of kids and everyone's moved on. Except Matt. He's stuck on remembering that one night..Will Tai be able to apologize for leading him on or will he be too late? TaiMatt. Attempted suicide ins


Note: Woo first entry under this catagory. I know that my writings in  
this field suck. But hey I'm trying my hand at it anyway. I just felt  
like writing and couldn't think of someone, and then the song from  
Linkin Park popped into my head "Somewhere I Belong". And instantly  
Digimon popped into my head because I looked back at Funbari BRAVENET  
style and spotted one of my friends who uses a screenname of a  
Digimon in there.  
Rating: PG-13  
Language: English  
Catagories: Angst/Romance  
Summary: The Digital adventure is over for the original Digidestined,  
and they've slowly begun to drift back to their normal lives. All but  
for Matt that is. His mind is still stuck on that one nigh no one got  
to see. Now that he's sinking into depression over it, it's left up to  
Tai to pull him out of the depression and help him realize that what  
happened wasn't just because of tensions and conditions. But will he  
be too late to save Matt from his own self?  
Title: Somewhere I Belong  
  
//When this began/  
I had nothing to say/  
And I get lost in the nothingness inside of me/  
I was confused/..//  
  
It was a few years already since the adventure had ended in the  
Digital World and everyone was now back to a normal life, but for the  
memories of the times they had shared together. The eight Digidestined  
kids now were growing up quite well, and were making quite the name  
for themselves even now.  
  
There was only one difference between seven of the Digidestined and  
the last one: Matt still hadn't left the memory behind of what had  
conspired between Tai and himself that one night which no one had been  
told about.  
  
'Let it go already. He's already moved on and you're stuck in the past  
it was one night and nothing major happened.' Matt told himself time  
and time again. But no amount of reasoning seemed to take effect on  
his mind and emotions. 'This is what you get for getting attached to  
someone you knew you might not see often again after it was over.'  
  
"What's wrong with me?" Matt asked himself aloud as he stared into the  
bathroom mirror at his reflection.  
  
Looking back on the other day, he sighed as he sat back down on the  
brim of the bathtub with his head in his hands as he frowned broadly.  
He had went to the grocery store during the break of band practice and  
while there had run into Tai.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
"Hey, Matt. How's it going?" Tai inquired.  
  
"Huh? F- fine..Everything's going great." Matt, whom had been staring  
at the door in front of him reflecting back on the adventure in the  
Digital World he and his friends had had together, responded as he was  
jarred back to reality at the sound of Tai's voice.  
  
"That's great to hear. I haven't seen you or the others in a while.  
What's going on with your little brother? He and Kari seem to be  
spending a lot of time together lately."  
  
"I dunno..Maybe they just wanna hang out." Matt responded blankly as  
he headed off to the exit.  
  
"Hey wait a minute!" Tai called. "What's wrong?"  
  
In a moment it was finally obvious that Matt had no plans to wait for  
him to catch up, so he jogged up to him instead. "Hey, didn't you hear  
me calling for you?" Tai inquired.  
  
"I guess not. Sorry." Matt replied with a half smile as he continued  
on through the exit doors, leaving Tai rooted to the spot in confusion  
with his eyes showing confusion only.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
"I wonder what he wanted." Matt muttered out to himself as he splashed  
water on his face.  
..Elsewhere..  
Tai sighed, loking back on yesterday's events. "I wonder what was  
bugging Matt at the grocery store." Tai asked himself loud. "He just  
went off."  
  
'You know what it was.' a small voice in the back of his head replied.  
'After all you caused it by leading him on that night in the Digital  
World remember.'  
  
//And I let it all out to find/  
That I'm not the only person with these things in mind/  
Inside of me/  
But all that they can see the words revealed/..//  
  
"I didn't mean to lead Matt on like that I thought he was the one  
that I wanted to be with." Tai growled to himself in defence.  
  
'But he wasn't. You simply wanted to hold someone and because Sora  
was out of reach you decided the next best thing was Matt.' the  
voice shot back.  
  
"But I don't want Sora anymore, and Matt understands that it was  
only a mix up."  
  
'It isn't. He doesn't. He's upset at you for leading him on to  
believe that you loved him.'  
  
"I don't! I didn't mean for him to-!"  
  
The tiny voice in his head took a small pause, and as if it were  
smirking and crossing its arms while it sat back against a chair,  
it said tauntingly one thing. "How do you know you don't love  
him?"  
  
Tai paused as the words tumbled out of his mouth, staring at his own  
reflection in the full mirror before him on the door at the thought.  
"I..I don't know.." he responded quietly to himself at last.  
..Back at Matt's..  
//..Is the real thing that I've got left to feel/  
Nothing to lose/  
Just stuck hollow and alone/  
And the fault is my own/  
And the fault is my own/..//  
  
"What's wrong with me? I shouldn't be thinking about this he's probably  
already moved on. I'm the only one out of the eight of us that's giving  
it any thought anymore probably and he's likely happier without me in  
his way anyway." Matt frowned even wider and said.  
  
'Maybe not. He could be just as lonely and lost as you.' a tiny voice in  
back of his head told him.  
  
"There's not many chances of that."  
  
'Just give it a shot. You never know.'  
  
"I let that happen the first time around when this problem started in  
the Digital World. I'm not going to fall for his plans again. Not a  
second time."  
  
'Suit yourself. If you want to remain lonely then go ahead. Friendship  
isn't warm without acceptance.'  
  
"I've accepted a lot of things. And one of them is the fact that he's  
happier without me bothering him and hanging onto everything he says."  
  
//..I wanna heal I wanna feel/  
What I thought was never real/  
I wanna let go of the pain I've felt so long/  
Erase all the pain till it's gone/..//  
  
Matt heaved a sigh as he glanced back to the kitchen in quiet disconent  
as he eyed one of the options he'd been concidering for so long. For a  
while now that method had seemed his only way out of being so embarassed  
at himself for believing what Tai had said about thinking that he was  
falling in love with him. He'd just never gotten the courage up to do  
it.  
  
//..I wanna heal I wanna feel/  
Like I'm close to something real/  
I wanna find something I've waited for so long/  
Somewhere I belong/..//  
  
'Give it up.' Matt thought to himself. 'The band needs you- your own  
brother needs you. Even if-' A slight sob wracked his chest as Matt  
found the last words to complete his sentance. 'Even if..Tai doesn't.'  
..Tai's place..  
Tai sat down on the sofa of his home, setting down the mug of warm cocoa  
onto the table by its side as he stared at the television before him.  
"This is perfect. Just what I need to relax."  
  
Clicking the remote, a silence overtook Tai as the first thing to come  
onto the screen of his television was a music video for Love To See You  
Cry. 'How cynical can someone possibly get?' he mused to himself. 'No  
one should want to see someone cry.' he added.  
  
The nagging voice from earlier returned as he frowned to himself in his  
annoyance and realization. 'But it helped me feel better when I saw Matt  
crying the day after I kissed him when I told him it was just the heat  
of the moment..Am I really that bad? Did I really enjoy seeing him cry  
because it made me feel better?'  
  
'Yes.' the voice stated positively.  
  
"But Matt knows that I didn't mean to upset him- I can't go back to this  
subject. Change the channel!"  
  
Click.  
  
A soap opera where a man is telling his girlfriend that he's leaving her  
for someone else.  
  
"Is the whole world out to prove to me how cruel I was to Matt in the  
Digital World or something?" Tai frowned as he asked in sarcasm.  
  
'It seems like the universe is trying to tell you something. You just  
aren't really listening to it.'  
  
"That's it." Tai decided as he stood up to his feet again. "I'm going to  
have to go over to Matt's place and sort this out with him. I can't put  
away what's happening anymore, if I keep denying how I feel any longer  
I'm gonna go outta my head!"  
  
//..And I've got nothing to say/  
I can't believe I didn't fall right down on my face/  
I was confused/  
Looking everywhere only to find/..//  
..Matt's place once again..  
In the kitchen, Matt sighed as he sat down at the table staring into the  
blade before him at his reflection. Heaving a sigh, he tested the blade  
on a nearby tomato. "If I do it..TK'll be on his own again..Our parents  
sure don't do anything that much for him..But Tai won't have to worry  
about me being down about that night back in the Digital World.." he  
said to himself, eyes blank, as he weighed the outcomes possible were he  
to do the thought that was currently in his head.  
  
//..That it's not the way I had imagined it all in my mind/  
So what am I/  
What do I have but negativity/  
'Cause I can't justify the way everyone is looking at me/..//  
  
"A lot of people've been givin' me these really weird looks lately..Like  
they know what's goin' on but nobody has a clue what's really going  
through my mind. Not when this is concerned." he frowned and said.  
  
//..Nothing to lose/  
Nothing to gain hollow and alone/  
And the fault is my own/  
And the fault is my own/..//  
  
"I should have known this would be how it'd end up if I let myself fall  
for what Tai did..Uugh why the Hell do I have to be so stupid and let  
myself believe that Tai would actually feel anything for me for more  
than a night..Sora wasn't there she was off with Izzi checking the area.  
I should have known he wasn't really interested in me. He was probably  
just lonely."  
  
Picking the knife back up off of the kitchen table, Matt leaned back on  
the stool momentarily as he stared into its blade again.  
  
Was Tai really worth the trouble of bothering to do something as drastic  
as this was?  
  
//..I wanna heal I wanna feel  
What I thought was never real  
I wanna let go of the pain I've felt so long  
Erase all the pain till it's gone/..//  
  
He wasn't certain of the answer but he was still fairly confused as well  
where this was concerned.  
  
//..I wanna heal I wanna feel/  
Like I'm close to something real/  
I wanna find something I've waited all along/  
Somewhere I belong/..//  
  
"Maybe this isn't a good idea." Matt frowned and sighed out. After all,  
if he did, he would be leaving TK behind. But his brother had done well  
without him so often both in the Digital World and in the real one, he  
thought again, TK might not need him after all.  
  
With this thought to ease his mind a little bit, Matt tightened his grip  
on the knife in his hand tight enough that his knuckles began turning  
white.  
  
No, he was pretty positive now, it wouldn't matter much if he went  
through with his idea. The band could always find someone else to lead  
their vocals. Couldn't they? And TK was doing well enough with their mom  
and if all else failed Tai was there, Tai had taken better care of TK  
than Matt had a lot of the time they were in the Digital World in the  
first place. So it would be as good as having him there wouldn't it?  
  
//..I will never know/  
Myself until I do this on my own/  
And I will never feel/  
Anything else until my wounds are healed/..//  
  
Well, if Matt was going to do it, then he'd might as well do it now.  
Before anything happened to change his mind. As if that could happen..  
  
//..I will never be anything/  
Till I break away from me/  
I will break away/  
I'll find myself today/..//  
..Meanwhile, Tai was racing in his car to Matt's place..  
//..I wanna heal/  
I wanna feel/  
What I thought was never real/  
I want to let go of the pain I felt so long/..//  
  
'Come on you piece of junk can't you go any faster?' Tai growled as he  
pressed the pedal to the floor of his car. He'd tried to call Matt so he  
could give him a warning that he was going to be going over to visit him  
in a while, but after four tries, spread out over the hours, Tai had no  
success to show for it. He knew Matt hadn't planned to sleep all day,  
the band had practice in a few hours. It didn't take Matt that long to  
get ready for band practice, so he knew it was safe to say that  
something was wrong, since Tai was fairly sure Matt didn't take four-  
hour-long showers or baths.  
  
Tai glanced down at the speedometer on the dashboard, glaring as he read  
that it only read he was going 35 mph.  
  
"Come on!" he yelled, half tempted to smack the car, though it would do  
no one any good. "I have to get over there and see if anything is  
wrong!"  
..Again at Matt's place..  
With a sigh, Matt thought back to the last time the phone had rang for  
the fourth time in four hours. Someone was probably trying to reach him,  
but he supposed that they would take the hint he wasn't up to answering  
the phone. Not just now at least.  
  
//..Erase all the pain till it's gone/  
I wanna heal/  
I wanna feel/  
Like I'm close to something real/..//  
  
Without any further thought to it, Matt closed his eyes as he pressed  
the blade of the knfie into the skin of his wrist. 'I can do this..' he  
frowned. 'I'm not afraid of dying..It's just..' He set the knife down on  
the counter again for a half second. 'I just..It's..It's just the  
thought of dying alone..'  
  
A few salty tears sprinkled down from his eyes onto his shaking hand as  
he gripped the handle of the knife again. "But the thought of living on  
alone..Hurts even worse.." he managed to say aloud through the sobs he  
held back against each new one that crashed over him again.  
  
And so, at that last thought, he put the knife to his wrist again, his  
courage up again, and he slashed the blade across, cutting not only into  
the skin, but into the vein lying under the surface.  
  
Pain coursed through him for a few brief seconds, but that was only as  
long as it lasted, for after those first trivial moments he slowly went  
oblivious towards the pain as he blankly watched crimson oceans fall to  
the ground under him.  
  
Thoughts left his mind just as the blood from his wrist left his veins.  
As darkness met him and his eyes fogged over, he felt a last sliver of  
pain as his shoulder collided with the floor underneath him.'  
..Tai..  
As the car pulled up to the driveway of Matt's house, Tai opened the  
door quickly after he turned off the car's ignition and slammed its door  
shut. He rushed up to the door and rang the doorbell a couple of times  
as he shifted his weight anxiously from one foot to the other, awaiting  
Matt to open the door.  
  
However, after a few moments passed by, and no one answered the door,  
Tai's eyes narrowed and he slammed his shoulder into the door a couple  
good times, knocking it forward into the home and running inside, slowly  
slowing to a walk as he looked around. 'Everything seems pretty calm..No  
signs that anything's wrong..' Tai thought to himself as he looked  
around.  
  
Passing by the kitchen, Tai sighed in quiet relief. 'Maybe I'm taking  
Matt's failure to answer the phone too-' But he stopped as his mind  
finally clicked into words what he'd seen on his way past the kitchen  
door.  
  
"Matt!" Tai finally screamed as he ran into the kitchen, kneeling onto  
his knees by his fallen friend's side and lifting his head up. He felt  
his heart sink to the ground as he noticed the slit on his wrist and the  
abandoned knife a few feet from Matt's form.  
  
"Oh, Matt..You didn't.." But at this thought Tai leapt up, gently laying  
Matt's head back down on the ground and running to the phone. '911..911  
I have to get through to them what's happened!' he thought.  
  
Ring..Ring..Ring..Ring..  
  
Click. 'Someone answered! Please let them be able to help!'  
  
"Hello?" the person on the other end answered. "You've reached 911, what  
may the situation be?"  
  
Filling the person in on what happened, Tai sighed in relief as they  
told him they'd be there as soon as possible, and that they had already  
sent someone out towards the indicated household.  
  
"Please let them get here soon.." Tai begged anyone who would listen to  
him, kneeling back down by Matt's side and pressing a cloth against the  
injured wrist in an attempt to slow down his bleeding as much as he  
possibly could before the help arrived.  
  
A few short minutes later, the ambulance arrived, and Matt was carted  
carefully but quickly away to the hospital, with Tai by his side inside  
the ambulance.  
  
"Hang on, Matt, please, I'll see that you're all right in the end.."  
..At the hospital..  
Tai frowned as he walked impatiently back and forth in front of the door  
to the waiting room connected to the surgical room as he waited for any  
news, good or- God forbid- bad, to come from someone, anyone at all, as  
to Matt's current situation on his health, chewing his lower lip to a  
pulp.  
  
"I can't believe this is happening it feels so unreal..I never thought  
that he'd do something like this..Not Matt..It's all my fault he's in  
this cirumstance in the first place it has to be everything else seemed  
to be going really well for him!" Tai growled to himself as he turned  
around a fifty-somethingith time to continue his repetiticous actions of  
pacing the floor impatiently.  
  
The door burst open and Tai turned around to face it, a pale expression  
on his face as he prepared to ask the doctor what the fate of Matt was  
to be.  
  
..Bam.  
  
The door connected with Tai's face, and sent the teen backwords onto the  
floor, rubbing his forehead gingerly as he hissed in the pain that was,  
in turn, sent shooting through his entire skull.  
  
The doctor looked around, blinking in silent surprise. "I thought Tai  
in here.." he muttered to himself.  
  
At these words, Tai jumped back to his feet and rushed up to the doctor,  
which Tai was only half-shocked to see was Joe, and shook him by his  
doctor's coat anxiously as he began speaking. "What's wrong? Is Matt  
going to be alright? Will he live? Is there any serious damage that I  
should know about if he does?"  
  
"Calm down a second, Tai, calm down! Let me get to that!" Joe stammered.  
  
//..I want to find something I've waited all along/  
Somewhere I belong/  
I wanna heal/  
I wanna feel/..//  
  
Letting go of Joe's coat, Tai sighed as he stepped back. "Alright, Doc,  
give it to me straight. Will he be alright?" he asked, eyes obviously  
filled with worry and hope at the same time, both battling the other for  
their rightful place.  
  
Joe placed one hand on each of Tai's shoulders to calm him down a little  
bit further. "Tai, listen. He's going to be just fine. No long term  
damage done to him but his wrist is wrapped up to prevent infection to  
the cut, he had to have a blood transfusion because he lost so much  
blood, and his shoulderblade has been cracked, possibly from the fall we  
all suspect that he took when he passed out."  
  
A huge grin of relief spread over Tai's face despite himself knowing he  
was likely the reason behind why Matt had tried to commit suicide, and  
he hugged Joe tightly. "Thank you so much!" he shouted, only to be  
shushed by a blushing Joe as he looked around, telling him not to be so  
loud because there were patients trying to sleep above them and in some  
of the rooms just to their right.  
  
"You're welcome. But there's one thing that bothered me about this." Joe  
said in response. The serious look that took hold over Joe's features in  
turn caused Tai to stop his parading about hugging everybody else that  
was in the waiting room and changing 'He's alright he's okay he'll be  
fine'.  
  
"What is it?"  
  
"He's been mumbling things throughout the procedure of fixing him up,  
ever since we managed to stop his bleeding and began the transfusion,  
but he's only been mumbling one thing."  
  
"What?"  
  
"I don't think I need to tell you what it is." Joe said with a small,  
knowing grin as a sheepish one crossed Tai's face, crossing his arms  
back over his chest.  
  
"Yeah..I guess that was stupid of me to ask." Tai responded. "Joe, I do  
know that it was wrong of me to lead him on like I did in the Digi World  
and I know it must have hurt him a whole lot. I wanna make it up to him  
now though. But how can I get him to forgive me? I sure don't deserve  
his forgiveness. Not after how I dropped him the moment we started back  
on heading for Spiral Mountain."  
  
"You did hurt him by doing that, Tai, I can't lie and tell you that you  
didn't. Over the course of the trip everyone told me several things, the  
things they regretted, the things they were happy about, and whatever  
had them down at the time they talked to me. The major thing that he  
talked to me about wasn't his brother or getting back home, Tai, it was  
you. So yeah I can see how he'd be hurt by that. If you want to tell him  
you're sorry I suggest you do it the conventional way."  
  
"What's that?"  
  
"Apologize, and make sure that you're there if he needs something. You  
want to make it up to him for leading him on, so do it, go in and see  
him. Tell him that you're sorry for what you did, that you don't want to  
ever do it again, and that you'll be there for him if he ever needs any  
help or comforting. And if you're wanting to make it up to him like I'm  
thinking you are, tell him exactly how you really feel for him."  
  
With this, Tai grinned and hugged Joe again, partially in tears, and he  
took off for Matt's room behind Joe, leaving the guy standing there, a  
slight bead of sweat running down his head as he waited for Tai to come  
back.  
  
Sure enough, seconds later, Tai returned by his side with a nervous look  
on his face. "I don't know what room Matt's in." he said sheepishly.  
  
Giving a small laugh, Joe led Tai to the room where Matt'd been taken  
after he'd been bandaged and otherwise tended to.  
  
"Here he is." Joe said quietly as he opened the door with one hand which  
contained a clipboard under his arm, allowing Tai to go inside ahead of  
him. "I'm just gonna let you have your time with him. If you need  
anything press the nurse's button and someone will be up as soon as they  
can to see what's up."  
  
"Thanks again, Joe." Tai said. Joe nodded and closed the door behind  
him, leaving Tai alone in the room by Matt's bedside.  
  
Tai sat there for a long period of time, just watching his friend's  
chest rise in fall as he slept on, occasionally wincing in pain if he  
shifted either onto his bandaged wrist or onto his cracked shoulder.  
  
Taking Matt's good hand gently into his own, a sigh crossed his lips as  
he tightened the grip gently on it. "God, Matt, I'm so sorry that I made  
you do this." he whispered quietly as his eyes watered.  
  
No answer. Matt silently slept on.  
  
"I really didn't mean to hurt you back then, Matt, you know that right?"  
Tai asked as he kissed the top of Matt's hand gently.  
  
A small groan turned Tai's attention to the bed, where Matt was in the  
process of opening his eyes weakly. "W..Whu.." matt murmured as he  
tried to get his eyes focused.  
  
"Matt!" Tai called out as a grin spread over his face, leaning slightly  
over the bedside. "You're awake!"  
  
"Nnn..T..Tai?"  
  
"Yeah..Matt listen. I'm sorry about what happened in the Digital World.  
I didn't mean to lead you on, I never meant to hurt you. I don't know  
what I was thinking when I broke it off after that night. My head wasn't  
on straight, or something, or I'd have never left you alone like that.  
Not for anything in the world."  
  
A small frown played at the corner of Matt's lips. "Don't..Apologize.  
Tai. You didn't do..Anything wrong. I'm s.." Matt broke off to wince as  
he made the mistake of moving his wrist a little. "I'm sorry..That I  
did anything to give you a cause t..To think I-"  
  
Tai cut the blond off as he gently placed a finger over Matt's lips.  
"Shh. Shh. Don't talk like that. You didn't do anything either." he said  
gently into Matt's ear.  
  
"But..I..-"  
  
"You didn't do anything. Trust me. It's all my fault. But I want to make  
it all up to you. I promise."  
  
//..I wanna feel like I'm somewhere I belong/  
I wanna heal/  
I wanna feel/  
I wanna feel like I'm somewhere I belong/..//  
  
"You..What..?"  
  
"I want to make everything up to you. I wanna prove that I'm sorry for  
leading you on like that. I want to go back out with you, but not just  
for one night like the last time. I wanna stay with you. Wanna help you  
get better. I wanna be there if you need anything. Anything at all."  
  
"Tai.." The word fell from Matt's lips as a tear slipped down his cheek  
onto the bedsheets beneath him.  
  
"I'm not joking, either, ask Joe if you don't believe me. He was one of  
the doctors that helped fix you up. And I'm so sorry that I led you to  
do something this bad. Please let me make it all up to you?"  
  
Closing his eyes again, Matt rested his head on the pillow as he thought  
to himself about the choices: live alone and show Tai what being left  
behind felt like, or take the chance and accept Tai back.  
  
"I..Tai..I don't know.."  
  
"Please?"  
  
"I..Don't know if I have a place with you. That day left me without too  
much hope anything was gonna happen between us that'd last."  
  
"But you do have a place with me!" Tai begged as his eyes, too, started  
to water again. He wasn't getting through to him! Or, if he was, he was  
being shunned away. But he couldn't honestly blaim the poor boy. He'd  
been put through a lot of heartache when Tai had led him on that night  
in the Digital World. But he couldn't quit trying!  
  
"Tai..."  
  
"Please..Don't make me beg you for a chance to prove how sorry I am.."  
  
"All my life I've only wanted someone to be with..Someone to take care  
of and, in turn, be taken care of..When you left me, it made me feel as  
if there wasn't a place like that..I just want to be somewhere I can  
feel like I belong.."  
  
"But Matt, you do belong somewhere. You'll always belong in that place,  
and that place is, will be, and always has been, with me. Even if I was  
just too blind to see it. Your place is with me Matt. I'll make you feel  
like you belong here."  
  
"Well.."  
  
"Please?"  
  
A small smile crossed Matt's lips as he nodded. "Alright.." he agreed.  
  
A large grin crossed over Tai's lips in turn as he leaned down and  
gently, but happily, placed a kiss over the blond's lips. "Thank you!"  
Tai cried.  
  
"Thank you." Matt responded.  
  
"You've always wanted somewhere to belong? Well. Now you've found it,  
Matt, you've found out that you'll always belong with me."  
  
//..Somewhere I belong..//  
=DMTS= 


End file.
